Mind the gap

When my wife and I went to London in 2011 we made good use of the London Underground – the system of subway trains that traverse the city. The “tube” makes it possible to travel that great city without a car. Just walk to the nearest station, buy a ticket, and hop a train to wherever you want to go.

At the platform where you board the train you will see and hear the warnings to “mind the gap.” That is, the gap between the platform and the train door. The train is usually a little higher than platform level, and a few inches a way. That’s why it’s important to mind the gap, so you won’t trip up.

As we look today at the relationships between the generations I see another warning to “mind the gap.” We make much of the so-called generation gap, or the differences between parents and their children. Parents are baffled and sometimes perplexed by the choices their children make as they approach adult life. Their offspring, feeling entitled to a life on their own, complain of being hassled by parents who “just don’t understand.” Sound familiar?

There has always been a generation gap, but I think as time goes on the gap becomes more and more pronounced. Oncoming generations increasingly want to break ties to the past. Peers become more important than parents. Dad and Mom just aren’t cool. The pressure to self-differentiate, to be one’s self and seek one’s own way, hinders looking to previous generations.

Today our young carry in the palms of their hands powerful devices that connect them to a world of information and influence unparalleled in previous generations. The information and influence are not always helpful. “Dad and Mom don’t understand” is code for “I want to do it my way.” Solomon opined, “Pride comes before disaster, and arrogance before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18 CEB). That makes it all the more important to mind the gap.

The young adult we identify as “the rich young ruler” approached Jesus for the secret of eternal life. Jesus told him to keep the commandments. “Which ones?” he asked.

Jesus replied, “Don’t commit murder. Don’t commit adultery. Don’t steal. Don’t give false testimony. Honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as you love yourself” (Matthew 19:18-19 CEB, quoting Exodus 20:12-16, Deuteronomy 5:16-20, Leviticus 19:18). Attention to these, Jesus said, gains one eternal life.

I take special note that the Fifth Commandment is included. Honor your father and mother. This is, as Paul points out, the first commandment with a promise. Honoring parents promises a good life where things go well.

The ancient rabbis observed the commandment to honor and obey parents follows the first four dealing with honoring God. They said the order of the commands was important and that, after honoring God and keeping the law, honoring one’s parents was of supreme importance. Quality of life depends on it. I guess that means dishonoring parents means all will not go well.

We like to recite this to little children but in fact it is intended for adult children capable of making their own choices. Make your own choices, but make them in a way that honors parents.

I’ve seen two interpretations. One says that parents are responsible to teach the law to their children and children must be diligent to listen and incorporate that teaching into their adult lives. The tradition is thus handed down and preserved, and the blessing of the Lord continues on the nation. Where there is a breakdown there are detrimental consequences.

Another interpretation teaches that children (of any age) should do nothing to distress their parents, even at great personal sacrifice. The distress could be something as little as waking dad up from his nap. To distress is to dishonor. Parents are due respect at any cost. So much for the “self-differentiation” cult of modern psychology. When Christian teachers and counselors advise youth to make their own decisions and be independent irrespective of their parents’ wishes they are advising them to deliberately disobey the Fifth Commandment.

The prodigal son comes to mind. The second son of a wealthy man saw no future for himself respecting dad so he asked for his inheritance early to strike out on his own. In the process he gravely violated the Fifth Commandment. He dishonored, disrespected, and humiliated his father. Essentially he said, “Dad, I wish you were dead. I’m entitled to live my own life so give me my money and I’m out of here.” Dad wrote the check but his heart was broken I am sure. It was a deep and bitter insult. The prodigal had great fun while the money lasted, but wound up wasted. It did not go well for him.

In the family passage of Ephesians 5 and 6 Paul admonishes children to obey their parents that they may receive the promise of a long life. Later he warns Timothy to beware of dangerous times where self-centered people will be, among other things, disobedient to parents (see 2 Timothy 3:1-9). Avoid those people, he warned. Important reasons to mind the gap.

It occurs to me that the oncoming generation is the one with the responsibility to mind the gap. We look to the generations before to listen, honor, and respect. Parents are responsible to teach, and their children are responsible to listen and to not cause their parents grief. That is because the oncoming generation comes to a point where they feel that can do this themselves, the past and its traditions are irrelevant, and they don’t need parents anymore. That’s exactly where it becomes important to mind the gap.

Malachi the prophet foretold the coming of the day of the Lord and the judgment it would bring. He summed it up this way:

Turn the hearts of the parents to the children
    and the hearts of the children to their parents.
        Otherwise, I will come and strike the land with a curse. 

Mind the gap.

Matthew 19:16-19